2024-04-18 suspended in air

metal bar clicks into place 
taut cable judders and pulls
i look down, into the koi ponds
colours impossibly vivid

in this memory i’m up there alone
the odd one of a group of three
unexpected repercussion of divorce
i always could look after myself 

oh to have any other choice 
than to be brave, to be a big girl 
to feel the fear and do it anyway
toes curl up to keep hold of slip-ons

i imagine slipping out and shuffle 
edging forwards in my seat
trying to ride the edge of terror
just enough to make it real